


Your Words Leave Me Scarred

by Nephila



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hakyeon's dramatic, Hongbin's a little shit, Why cant we all just get along?, lots and lots of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:19:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8928088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nephila/pseuds/Nephila
Summary: Things can’t always be fixed with an ‘I’m sorry’. Words leave deep scars that never seem to fade, and re-open easily if you don’t tread carefully. VIXX learns how easily words spoken in anger can destroy even the closest of bonds. Can the boys fix their shattered friendship? Or will this obstacle be too great for them to conquer?





	1. Just Listen To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So obviously this fic will be a little on the angsty side. Hakyeon will be pretty ooc, but I feel like the smiley Cha mama that the camera shows is only a part of him and he has his insecure depressed moments like everyone else in this world. I also feel like Hakyeon might be the type that would jump to conclusions without knowing everything about a situation and making rash decisions without thinking everything through. This is just my take on Hakyeon’s personality (to the extreme). I’m definitely not an expert on any of the boys. I adore their music, but I’m nowhere near a hardcore fan. So don’t get angry with me for depicting him (or any of the other boys) in a certain way. Other than that… enjoy!

Hakyeon whimpered as he pulled his flannel tighter around his body. The cold seemed to seep right into his bones, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t go back, not after the things that had been said.

He knew they had all been pushed well beyond their limits with this new comeback. It had been taking up most of their time and causing conflicts with everyone’s solo schedules.

He knew he had been pushing them harder than he had in the past, but he had been getting flack from their manager. Laon had pulled Hakyeon aside and told him they had to step up their game for this comeback. That with all the success, the CEO felt they were getting sloppy. Hakyeon hadn’t known what to say. He felt they had been doing better than ever. Their choreography was on point and they had been working hard at perfecting the vocals for the new songs.

Laon sympathized with him, but remained firm that they had to try harder. Hakyeon had finally agreed that he would get everyone to work harder, and took full responsibility.

From that point on Hakyeon worked harder than he ever had in his life. He was up before the team, stayed up long after everyone else was asleep and was often seen working out various parts of their performances during breaks. He ate less and sleep was practically non-existent on most nights. He quickly brushed off concerns from other staff with an overly bright smile and a quick ‘I’m fine’ before returning to practice.

As time went on Hakyeon found that he wasn’t the only one suffering. He could see the rest of the group become more and more wary. Members would snap at one another for the simplest things, no one wanted to spend time together any more which caused the latest episode of VIXX TV2 to be postponed. The group was falling apart, and Hakyeon had no idea how to fix it.

As Hakyeon sat in the deserted park, teeth chattering and body quaking from the icy wind, he thought back over the last few months, he knew he should have done something sooner. He had been watching as things began to crumble but continued to ignore it in favor of pushing forward; hoping that if he just worked a little bit harder, pushed a little more that things would all work out in the end. He eventually realized his mistake, but by then it had been too late, they were broken and the rest of the group was suffering because he couldn’t get his shit together. This was his entire fault, and he had failed them all.

Everything had fallen apart earlier that night. They were all exhausted from a heavy schedule earlier in the day followed by a long practice. It was still early, not even ten o’clock but the team had voted, and everyone except Hakyeon had opted to go home and get some rest. Hakyeon had told them it didn’t matter, that he was the leader and they had to do what he said.

Things got out of hand quickly after that. Taekwoon got up from the floor, walked leisurely to the door and told Hakyeon in no uncertain terms that he could go fuck himself before walking out.

Hongbin tried to follow him, but Hakyeon quickly grabbed hold of him and told him that he wasn’t allowed to leave. Hongbin’s face scrunched in anger before he pushed Hakyeon, causing him to fall to the ground. Hakyeon was shocked into silence as Hongbin laid into him, screaming profanities, and vicious slurs at him. Every slight that Hakyeon had ever committed since their debut was brought up. The smallest things were used against him. Things like clinging too much and talking too loud were thrown in his face and all Hakyeon could do was sit there and take it. The harsh words slicing through his heart over and over until he felt like he would die.

At some point during Hongbin’s rant, Taekwoon came back in. He stood by the door and glared down at Hakyeon, not intervening or distracting everyone like he sometimes did when the rest of the group got on the leader’s case. They all just sat around, some nodding when they agreed with something Hongbin said, and glaring at their crumbling leader.

Eventually Hakyeon yelled back. Tears filled his eyes as he told them that he knew they hated him. He knew he was a failure as a leader, and the reason he clung to them was because he was afraid of losing them. 

When he tried to tell the group why he was pushing so hard, Hongbin started up again, informing Hakyeon that he didn’t want to hear the excuses and lies he knew the leader would force on them. Finally, with eyes full of loathing, he stated that he wished Hakyeon wasn’t even part of the group before storming out of the room.

Silence fell heavy over the remaining members, no one knowing what to say. Hakyeon was having trouble holding back his emotions. He could feel his eyes filling with more tears, but he was powerless to stop them from coming. He quickly got up and fled the room. He had no idea where he was going, but he couldn’t stay there. He stopped only when he felt the cold air hit his face, finding himself in front of the building, breath ragged, not knowing where to go or what he should do. Finally, once his breathing had evened out he chose a random direction and began to walk.

That’s what led him here. A small children’s park that he was sure would be beautiful if he weren’t in such a dismal mood. He sat at the base of a slide, shivering and wiping his nose on his sleeve, playing the last few minutes over and over in his mind, understanding that his team was mad, but at a loss as to why they were taking it out on him.

Eventually he was pulled from his dark thoughts by gentle footfalls. Looking to the pathway he had walked earlier, he found Taekwoon slowly making his way over. He hunkered lower, not even remotely ready for another fight, especially with Taekwoon.

~

Taekwoon stopped about five paces away from Hakyeon, not sure if coming any closer would be accepted. He wasn’t sure he wanted to anyway. Laon had heard their fight from down the hall and had sat the team down after Hakyeon left and told everyone what had been going on, why Hakyeon was pushing so hard, and that they needed to give their leader a break. Most of the group lowered their heads in shame, guilty for adding more stress on their already worn down leader. Taekwoon was still miffed at the other for his attitude, even with knowing where it all came from. But his initial anger had mellowed some.

Hongbin hadn’t seemed to feel any remorse whatsoever, stating it was Hakyeon’s own fault for not trusting and confiding in his group to begin with. The angry visual wasn’t about to forgive their leader any time soon. Taekwoon figured he would let him calm down a little more before he tried to talk to him.

In the meantime, he went after Hakyeon and decided to try and coax him back to the building. After walking for a few minutes in random directions, he finally found Hakyeon hunkered down in a small play park. The figure sitting in front of him was shivering violently and curled into a tight ball for warmth. Taekwoon sighed as he removed his coat, holding it out for the stupid man. Who runs from a building into freezing cold weather without their coat?

“Here.” His voice was soft, but in the abandoned park, it was the only sound to be heard. Hakyeon seemed to cringe away from it, like he thought the word would be accompanied by a hit.

“Take the jacket Hakyeon.” He held it out further when Hakyeon glanced his way. But the other man shook his head, once more looking away.

“Why are you doing this?” Taekwoon let some of his exasperation color his voice. He was tired of the drama everyone seemed to love to create.

“You can’t just run away and pout every time something gets difficult. I get that looking out for us can be hard at times, but you chose this life Hakyeon, you just have to…”

“Shut up Taekwoon. I do not run away when things get difficult. If I did I would have left years ago. You don’t know what it’s like, so don’t stand there and lecture me.”

“Hakyeon I know you’re upset at the situation, but Hongbin didn’t really mean the things he said. None of us ever do, you know that. He was just blowing off some steam. You can’t blame him; or any of us really for what happened tonight.”

“No, I’m tired of this. I’m tired of being the butt of everyone’s jokes. You’re the ones that put me in this role. The mother, the leader, the one that holds everything together. And then when I try to fill that role, everyone gets annoyed with me, they get upset, they get mean. I’m tired of it. I don’t want to do it any more.”

Taekwoon took another step toward Hakyeon and raised his free hand toward the other’s shoulder. He didn’t know how to fix the situation they had stumbled into but found himself at least wanting to try. Even though the older man was often a lot to handle, he was Taekwoon’s lifelong friend.

A stinging sensation in his hand pulled Taekwoon from his thoughts. Hakyeon had slapped his hand away, the darker male still hadn’t looked at him and his shaking had become more violent.

“Please go away Woonie, I just want to be alone.”

Taekwoon stood rooted to the ground for a few moments, watching the man in front of him slowly fall apart while he tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he took another step forward and Hakyeon jerked away harshly finally standing up and moving farther away. Bright eyes full of tears and anger turned on him. Hakyeon stood breathing hard for a few seconds before he moved. He stepped forward, bringing his hands up and pushed Taekwoon away.

“I told you to go away. I told you I didn’t want you here. Why wont any of you ever listen to me? Why do you all have to make everything so difficult?” By this point Hakyeon was sobbing, a stream of tears running down his face. Words just seemed to spill from his mouth and he had no power to stop them.

“I hate how everyone treats me, I hate the things everyone says about me when they think that I can’t hear them, I hate this group, I hate what my life has become. I don’t want to be a part of this any more so just leave!”

Taekwoon smoothed his hands over his shirt, removing any wrinkles that had formed when he was jostled and placed his jacket back over his shoulders. A scowl pulled at his lips and a crease formed between his brows. He had tried to get closer to the angry leader, he had tried to be nice, and comfort him, but there was only so much he could do.

“Fine, I’ll leave. When you’re done with your tantrum come and find me. But I’m not going to stand here and listen to how hard you have it. We all work hard Hakyeon, we all have our problems. Not everything is about you.” With those last heated words Taekwoon turned and left. Two steps later and he regretted those words, but there was no turning back now. His pride wouldn’t let him. He only hoped that irreparable damage hadn’t been done, and eventually they could move past all of these foolishly spoken words.

~

Hakyeon watched the retreating form of his band mate slowly disappear, the darkness of the night seeming to swallow him completely. As the vocal’s form vanished entirely Hakyeon let out another sob. His body seemed to have given up and he collapsed to his knees.

Time seemed to have stopped and sped up all at once. He had no idea how long he stayed in the park, kneeling on the hard ground. When he finally pulled himself out of his spiraling thoughts he slowly stood up, cringing at the numbness in his legs. He still refused to return to the company building, not wanting to run into the rest of the group if they were still there. Returning to the dorm was out of the question as well. If they were bad in a public setting, Hakyeon couldn’t even imagine how they would act behind closed doors.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, he searched for nearby hotels and hostels and found a small boarding house two blocks over. It looked to be owned by an older couple and it was late enough that any other patrons would already be in their rooms, so hopefully he wouldn’t be recognized. He checked to make sure he had money before setting off in the opposite direction of his group, his home, and his misery.

The boarding house was mostly dark when he finally found it. The light over the front door was on and there was a sign saying that guests were welcome to come in. Walking up to the door he knocked quietly, not wanting to accidentally wake someone before opening the door and peeking in.

The front room was warm and open. It had a homey feel to it that instantly eased Hakyeon’s frayed nerves. He closed the door behind him and made his way up to the desk at the back of the room. There didn’t seem to be anyone there, but there was a small bell with a note for whoever came in to ring it if they needed help. He debated on if he should ring the bell or not. He still didn’t want to wake any of the other patrons, but he also didn’t want to stand here all night. Before he could make his decision, an older woman looking to be in her sixties bustled into the room.

“I thought I heard the front door close. Do you need a room young man?” The woman had a kind face and a sweet voice that gave her the feel of a loving grandmother. He quickly bowed to the woman and told her he would only need a room for the night.

She smiled at him while taking his payment and putting the necessary information into the computer. As he waited for her to finish, he apologized for coming in so late and being a nuisance. She laughed as she grabbed a key and made her way around the counter. As she passed him she patted his shoulder and told him she was glad he was here and out of the cold. Hakyeon blushed as he followed her up a set of stairs to the second floor. Four doors lined left side of the hall and three sat opposite. Another set of stairs at the end of the hall led to another floor. 

The woman beckoned him to one of the doors on the far wall with a sunflower painted on it. Hakyeon liked it already. She unlocked it and handed him his key before motioning him into the room. It was small, but clean and had everything he could possibly need in the form of a comfy looking bed that took up at least half the room.

“It doesn’t look like you have much, but there is a small closet if you want to use it and an even smaller bathroom.” She chuckled at her own joke and Hakyeon had to follow. He was enamored by this sweet, caring woman already and he had known her less than ten minutes.

“There’s no shower, but there’s a bath house across the street that gives guests staying here a discount. Just let my husband or myself know that you are going over and we will give you a voucher.”

“Thank you. You have been very helpful.” He bowed once more which made her smile and pat his cheek. With some final instructions about the rules and schedule of the house, she left the room, inevitably taking all the warmth and positive feelings with her. Hakyeon looked around the room again. It suddenly seemed more empty and less inviting. He was used to five other bodies taking up space and didn’t know how to handle how alone he felt.

His heart gave a painful jolt, and he rubbed at his chest. He couldn’t think about the rest of the team now. This was a time for him to calm down and clear his thoughts before he needed to sit down and figure out what he wanted to do next. Things had changed within the group and while he had no desire to do so, he knew he had to be the one to figure out where they went from here. He just had no plans whatsoever to do so right now.

Hakyeon removed his shirt before taking the three steps necessary to make it to the bed before he fell forward and face planted into the soft blankets. He didn’t even make it under the blankets before sleep started to pull at his consciousness, eyelids heavy and drooping. The last thing Hakyeon registered before sleep had him firmly in its clutches was the light vibrations coming from the phone in his pocket.

~

Hakyeon woke early the next morning. He felt surprisingly refreshed and ready to start his day. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time but only got as far as the locked screen before confusion wormed its way through the fog still floating around his brain. He unlocked his phone and was assaulted by a disturbing amount of missed calls, texts, and voice messages. Taekwoon had called him a grand total of twenty-nine times and had left almost as many voice mails. Laon had called him forty-six times but only left two voice messages. Wonshik, Jaehwan, and Sanghyuk had each called him around ten times, all of them leaving one message. And Hongbin had called him once, surprisingly leaving a message too.

He still wasn’t ready to deal with all that, so he moved on to his texts. He had one hundred and thirty-nine new text messages. He knew most of it would be angry jibes at him for running away, so just like the missed calls he quickly chose to ignore them all and turn his phone off. Before he was able to turn it off completely, a call came through. The cheery voices of a popular girl group played throughout the room and Taekwoon’s name flashed across the screen. Hakyeon stopped breathing as he stared at it, waiting for the screen to go black once more. He didn’t want to deal with them right now. He was sure that if he answered the phone all he would get is a lecture from Laon and more angry and judgmental words from his members.

Decision made, Hakyeon turned his phone off as soon as the call ended and moved toward the bathroom. It was as small as the woman said but he could deal with it. There was a disposable toothbrush and some toothpaste in one of the drawers and a few small hand towels on the sink. He was glad he would be able to make himself at least somewhat presentable before leaving his room. After using the toilet and freshening up he decided it was time to leave his small sanctuary and face the day.

Cracking open the door, Hakyeon peeked out into the empty hall and relaxed somewhat when he saw no one was around. Making sure he had his key and his phone he finally exited the room completely and made his way down the stairs. As he moved around the building, peeking around corners and tip-toeing so he made as little noise as possible, he couldn’t help but feel like a child sneaking out past curfew. He knew he was being paranoid but he couldn’t help but be wary. He didn’t know what kind of people were living here. How they would react to him. He finally made it to the front room where a few people milled about. No one seemed to have noticed him yet though, he had done a pretty good job of keeping out of sight if he did say so himself.

Covering as much of his face as possible without seeming suspicious, he quickly made his way up to the front desk. The woman from last night was there again and she smiled warmly at him when he bowed to her.

“Did you enjoy your stay?”

“Yes, thank you. I haven’t slept that good in… well, a long time.” He lowered his gaze when the memories of sleepless nights full of anxiety and self loathing hit him. He cringed before pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind. He didn’t want to think about that right now.

The woman seemed to sense his souring mood so she smiled kindly at him once more before walking around the front desk and taking his hand.

“Come with me.” She didn’t give him time to answer before she began to lead him to the back of the house.

“You missed breakfast. Usually guests get one shot at meals and if they miss them then it’s better luck next time. However, you looked like death warmed over last night and in need of a nice long rest. So, I’ll make an exception just this once. But if you ever come back, know that this wont be happening again. Got it?” She gave him a stern look.

Hakyeon lowered his gaze and nodded. Figuring it was best to just do as she said. She seemed kind enough, but Hakyeon suddenly realized if you looked past the sweet old lady mask you could see a fire in her and if you misbehaved you would more than likely get burned. Why was it always the sweet little old ladies that ended up being the feistiest?

“Thank you very much ma’am. If it’s too much trouble I can just go to a café to grab something to eat.”

“It’s no trouble. I’ll have to deal with a few regulars complaining about special treatment, but they’ll get over it… especially when they see how cute you are.” She patted his cheek just as she had the night before and walked further into the kitchen, starting his breakfast. Hakyeon was left gawking with an unattractive blush coloring his cheeks as he watched her walk away.

His time spent in the kitchen was uneventful. No one had come in and the conversation with the old woman had been comfortable. Once he was done eating, he insisted on helping wash dishes and with minimal grumbling she let him.

It was almost noon when Hakyeon finally left the boarding house feeling lighter and more relaxed. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to face the other members yet, but he could at least be around other human beings without breaking down.

He still refused to set foot in any Jellyfish building. He knew he shouldn’t avoid the situation, but he couldn’t help it. He hated fighting with the others, no matter how horribly they treated him. After wondering around the neighborhood surrounding the boarding house for a while, Hakyeon eventually found himself back at the park. 

He had been right. In the light of day, the place was beautiful. There were a couple of children playing on the swings, but the place was still otherwise empty. Hakyeon was glad for that. All he wanted to do was sit and relax. It was still a bit chilly outside but the sun was shining and quickly warming the air. Finding a nice plot of grass away from people, Hakyeon plopped down. Leaning back, he lifted his face toward the sky, feeling the warm rays of the sun hitting his face. This was just what he needed.

Eventually his mind began to wander. He needed to figure out what he was going to do about the rift in the group. Though he supposed he should figure out if he was even going to stay in VIXX. It would be difficult to cancel his contract, but if he left at least the rest of the group would be able to move forward and grow like they were supposed to. He seemed to be holding them back from doing that. He had been angry with them last night, but he still wanted what was best for them. If what’s best is for him to leave the group, then that’s what he would do.

He sighed as his thoughts took a turn for the depressing once more. He couldn’t seem to stay positive. Maybe that’s why he was failing as their leader. He shook his head and concentrated on trying to fix everything. An hour later and he was fed up. He had been thinking in circles and was getting a headache. He was thirsty and even though he had eaten only a couple of hours ago, he was beginning to get hungry.

He stood up and dusted any stray blades of grass from his clothes. He knew there was a small convenience store at the edge of the park where he could get some cheap ramen and a drink. As he walked he pulled his phone out and turned it back on. There were a few more missed calls and messages but he continued to ignore them. He had just swiped the last message off his screen when a notification popped up. They were supposed to be doing a television interview that morning, and he had officially missed it. He was going to get his ass handed to him by Laon when he eventually decided to go back… fantastic.

Hakyeon entered the small shop, waving to the clerk behind the counter. This place was fairly close to the building they practiced at and most of the workers were friendly with them. The girl behind the counter jolted when she saw him, staring at him and following him around the shop with her wide eyes.

Hakyeon was instantly uncomfortable and just wanted to get his food and leave as fast as possible. Grabbing his food and drink, he quickly made his way up to the check out counter. The girl was still staring at him like he was a ghost even as she rang up his items. He knew he had seen her in here multiple times before. She usually wasn’t one to go all starry eyed over them. He didn’t know what had changed, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Trying to focus on anything other than the clerk’s strange behavior, Hakyeon looked to the television mounted on the back wall. His breath left him as he watched his members easily joke around with each other. Was this the interview from this morning? It had to be, he’d never missed an interview before. The sound was down low but you could still hear each member of VIXX if you listened carefully and he CC was activated. They were talking about the comeback. Jaehwan smiled brightly and gushed about how everything was going smoothly even though some changes had to be made recently. Hakyeon didn’t know about any changes. What was he talking about? Hakyeon’s mind suddenly went wild. Were they changing things to exclude him already? Did he matter that little to the team?

Hakyeon’s attention was snagged again when he heard his name. The host was asking why he wasn’t with them. There was a pause where everyone looked faintly uncomfortable before Hongbin gave a little cough.

“Hakyeon is busy and wasn’t able to make it today. I’m sure he wishes he could have been here but had… other things to do.” The host seemed to take his words at face value, but Hakyeon could hear the bitterness in Hongbin’s voice. See the anger flash in his eyes before his mask was slipped back into place.

Hakyeon was no longer hungry. Turning he rushed from the shop, not wanting to be anywhere that reminded him of his team. As he hurried down the street he realized the answer was perfectly clear…

He was running again. He knew he was being a coward, but he was tired of being the strong one. He was tired of being the one to hold everything together. He just wanted to rest. He wanted to have confidence in himself again without someone coming along and tearing him down. He was tired of always being told he wasn’t good enough. His skin is too dark, he needs to lose weight, he needs to be more toned, he needs to dance harder, his voice isn’t strong enough. Every negative comment followed him as he fled. But no matter how hard he tried, the judgmental and often mean voices of his peers stayed with him, tearing at him and pulling him further into the darkness within his mind.

By the time he’d made it to the large building that held the bulk of the Jellyfish employees, Hakyeon’s dark thoughts had completely consumed him. He marched past the front desk without stopping. He didn’t even notice the woman gaping at him like he was a ghost. If Hakyeon had been in a different state of mind he might have even laughed at her expression. But he was on a mission. He forwent the elevator and ran up the stairs. With the amount of adrenaline pumping through him he hadn’t even been winded when he reached his destination on the fourth floor.

When Hakyeon reached the CEO’s door he didn’t even stop to knock. He just turned the handle and burst into the office. Three pairs of eyes turned to stare at him as he stood tense in the open doorway. CEO Hwang Sejun gaped at the fuming idol, blinking rapidly as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Hakyeon was sure the man had received at least a few calls from VIXX’s manager about him going missing, and here he was; scowling angrily in his doorway.

“I’m sorry gentlemen, but I’ll need to postpone the rest of our meeting. I need to speak with one of my artists.” The CEO stood and bowed at the two other men before leading them around a still tense and unmoving Hakyeon and to the main elevator.

While he was alone Hakyeon took a few moments to compose himself. It wouldn’t do any good to go into this looking for a fight. He had to be calm or he would never get what he wanted; would never get away from the negativity surrounding him, and he couldn’t let that happen. He took one last deep breath and sat himself in one of the chairs in front of the desk waiting for the return of the CEO.

After a few minutes, the man came back into the room and the air around Hakyeon seemed to turn thick with tension. His breath stuttered as the intimidating man slowly sat in his chair, forcing part of Hakyeon’s confidence to abandoned him. The older man had his eyes shut. His brows were furrowed and his mouth was set in a deep scowl that was partially hidden by his steepled fingers.

“Hakyeon…” The CEO opened his eyes and Hakyeon could clearly see the disappointment in them. A bit more of his confidence left him and his shoulders slumped with defeat.

“First of all, let me say that I am pleased you’re okay. We were all worried about you. Your members especially.” Hakyeon couldn’t help but let out a disbelieving scoff at that. A sharp glare from the CEO quieted him instantly.

“I have been informed that there was a disagreement within the group. As the leader I expect you to handle situations like this and keep control and peace within the group, not instigate bad behavior and disappear when things become hard. I am extremely disappointed in you.”

That was it. Hakyeon was tired of trying to live up to these people’s expectations. He was tired of shouldering all the blame. He’d be damned if he was going to let this go any further. Rising from his seat he placed his hands lightly on the older man’s desk and glared at him straight in the eye.

“This is not my fault. I did exactly what you told me to do. I worked my team harder than we have ever worked before. Not because I wanted to. I already thought they were perfect. I did it because it was what the company wanted. I did it because it was expected of me. Even when I insisted that my team was at their very best. That even with the new success we hadn’t been slacking off. You were the one that didn’t believe me.” Hakyeon’s breath was coming out in light gasps now. He knew he was getting too worked up, but all of his anger, all of his desperation, everything had finally come to a breaking point with the CEO’s words.

“Hakyeon…” The older man’s placating tone only fueled the fire burning in his heart and he cut the other man off with angry words that had been buried for too long.

“You sit here at your desk and you order people around, but you don’t know what we go through every day. How hard we work just to make you happy. And when we have worked past our breaking point and it still doesn’t seem to be enough for you and you force me to push harder, I’m the one that is hated for it. I’m the one they take out their frustrations on.” Tears had begun to fill Hakyeon’s eyes, but he ignored them. What he had to say was too important to be stopped by a few tears.

“Time after time the people I think of as my family break me down, make fun of me, push me around, tell me they hate me, that they wish I would never speak again. And I let them. I let them hate me sometimes because it gives them some form of control. It makes them feel better about the situation we’re in. And until now I’ve shouldered that responsibility because I thought it’s what was best for the group.” A shaky breath filled the room. Hakyeon seemed to crumple in on himself. Like the words he’d let out had been the only thing pushing him forward. His next words were much quieter, almost a whisper. You could hear the exhaustion with each syllable he uttered and it seemed to be a miracle he hadn’t collapsed.

“Well I’m putting a stop to it now. I don’t want to be the one they take their frustrations out on any more. I don’t want to be the bad guy forcing them to push their bodies and minds past the point of exhaustion.” He paused. His next words would change his life and the lives of the other members drastically.

“I want to leave VIXX… permanently.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure this never would have been posted if it weren't for the_raging_midgit. She helped me a lot through this shit storm of feels and I will forever be grateful to her!!!
> 
> This is a multi chapter fic and I regret to inform everyone that I am epically slow at updating. So I apologize in advance for lack of timely updates. Thanks for reading and please leave a comment!


	2. Please Forgive Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out. I've gone over it as many times as I could, but haven't been able to get anyone else to look it over. Once I get someone else to look over the chapter, if there are any mistakes (there are I'm sure) I'll fix it.

Taekwoon silently raged all the way back to the building, up the stairs, and into the practice room. Once inside he was finally able to take a deep breath and dispel some of the angry energy coursing through his veins. The rest of the group was sitting around, talking quietly amongst themselves about what had happened. Wonshik and Sanghyuk still looked a little unsettled about the whole thing while Jaehwan tried to cheer everyone up with jokes and cute faces. Hongbin was still scowling heavily and ignoring everyone.

“Where’s Hakyeon?” Wonshik had spotted him and was the first to jump up, shuffling toward him. He looked nervously around Taekwoon, trying to see out into the hall with little success.

“He’s going to go back to the dorms on his own. He wanted some space. Since we had already planned on leaving, let's just head back to the dorms now. We can discuss everything at home.” Taekwoon gave the rest of the group what he hoped was a reassuring smile before turning and heading back out the door. He was still angry with Hakyeon but he hoped that as the night wore on he would be able to calm his emotions and talk this out with the leader.

The ride back was quiet and had an uncomfortable feel to it. No one really seemed up to carrying a conversation, and for that Taekwoon was thankful. Once back at the dorm everyone separated to do their own thing and find their own little corner to be alone in. Taekwoon knew that even in the late hour, everyone still needed to eat so he trudged to the kitchen and threw together some ramen for them to snack on. One night of junk food wasn’t going to kill them. Laon would give them all a lecture full of grouchy looks in the morning, but at this point he didn’t care.

Once the food was made and everyone had been called to eat, Taekwoon still couldn’t shake the anger bubbling below his skin. He knew it was wrong to feel this way about his leader, the man had been trying to better their team the only way he knew how, but Taekwoon couldn’t let it go, couldn’t seem to find the understanding and forgiveness he knew he should have.

He scowled throughout the quiet meal, only taking a couple bites of food before getting lost in his own thoughts once again. The rest of the group didn’t seem to be fairing any better. Noodles were slurped quietly as opposed to the usual overly exaggerated overly loud noises their meals usually consisted of. Everyone kept their hands, and their feet to themselves, which was a complete miracle in and of itself, and there was absolutely no talking. Jaehwan looked around a couple of times and opened his mouth like he was getting ready to speak, but a dark look from various members had him snapping it closed with a click and looking back down at his food.

The night wore on and nothing changed. Silence still filled the small apartment and a blanket of discomfort had covered them. Hakyeon still wasn’t back and the longer their leader made them wait, the more Taekwoon’s anger bubbled. Hakyeon was being downright selfish, and Taekwoon had had enough. Taking out his phone, he sent a quick text to the leader hoping to get him home quicker. The sooner they got this discussion over with the sooner the exhausted idols could go to sleep and move past this trying day.

A few minutes had passed with no response from Hakyeon. Taekwoon tisked and sent of a couple more texts, threatening to drag the pouting leader home whether he liked it or not. Another ten minutes had passed with still no response before Taekwoon had had enough. He threw on his jacket, hat, and face mask before yelling over his shoulder that he was going out and storming out of the dorm. His anger had officially reached its peak and he was ready to take it all out on their self-absorbed leader.

He didn’t really have an idea what he was mad at exactly, but he would hazard a guess that it was just about everything at this point. He was angry with Hakyeon for pushing so hard then letting things fall apart so horribly. He was angry with the rest of the group for how they had treated their leader tonight. But mostly he was angry with himself for the harsh words he had thrown at someone he considered his best friend. Words that if he thought back hard enough, he could remember uttering many times before. When he really stopped to think about it, Taekwoon wondered how the other hadn’t broken sooner.

If one didn’t look too hard, VIXX seemed like a close-nit, happy group. A group where everyone joked around and no one took anyone else seriously most of the time. But look a little deeper and you would begin to notice the cracks. The group always seemed to be ganging up on their leader. The man liked to joke around and give his members a hard time, but never took it very far; never made any of them feel less than they should.

The same could not be said for the rest of them. They verbally abused their leader daily. They made fun of his skin or his height, things he had absolutely no control over. They never listened to him, no matter how disrespectful it was. They talked over him, or talked back, and they complained about how touchy he was or how loud he was even though many of the other members were just as touchy and loud at times. They rarely thanked him for the things he did for them, and they pushed him around and laughed at him when he made even the slightest mistake.

Taekwoon was ashamed at his behavior. He was never quite as bad as the rest of the group, but he often partook in teasing their leader. The longer he walked, the more his anger was replaced by guilt. Soon enough it seemed to be crawling under his skin, forcing a shiver to ripple through his body. By the time he made it back to the park he was almost in tears. He had to apologize immediately to the abused man. His guilt was suddenly suffocating him and he couldn’t take it. He frantically looked for Hakyeon in the small park, having to go over it a few times when he couldn’t immediately find the other. Eventually, after scouring every inch of the area, he had to accept that Hakyeon was no longer there and hoped he had just taken a cab back to the dorms. Taekwoon sent Hakyeon a few more texts letting the other know he was at the park and was getting worried about him.

Taekwoon took a couple of deep breaths to calm his racing heart as he started his journey back home. He was still anxious to find Hakyeon and apologize, but accepted that he would just have to wait until he got back. He promised himself that he would treat their leader better from now on. Would no longer tease or make fun of the other. Taekwoon knew he had a lot to make up for, he just hoped that Hakyeon would eventually forgive him.

Taekwoon stood in front of their dorm. He worried his bottom lip as he pressed his ear to the front door, trying to hear something, anything. Things were too quiet. He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. It could mean Hakyeon had come home and everyone was sitting in an awkward silence waiting for someone else to start the discussion. It could mean he wasn’t home yet and everyone else was sitting around worrying about their leader (except Hongbin. Taekwoon was sure he was still pouting in a corner, pissed off at the world). It could mean that Hakyeon had come home and Hongbin flew into a rage and killed everyone then locked himself in one of the rooms… well maybe not that one, but Taekwoon’s imagination was running wild with crazy possibilities by this point.

As he opened the front door, he was met with three pairs of hopeful eyes. Eyes that filled with worry when he came in alone. So Hakyeon hadn’t made it home. Worry began to fill Taekwoon’s chest once more. He wondered where the leader could have gone? Had he decided to go back to the practice room and stay there for the night? Maybe he should call Laon and ask him if Hakyeon had shown up there.

“Hyung, did you find him? He’s coming up right?” Sanghyuk hopped over the couch and made his way over. His face was tight with worry and his hands shook slightly. Taekwoon sighed. Their maknae didn’t like to show it but he really did love their leader. He was so young when he joined their group that having Hakyeon fill the spot of parent had been just what the struggling boy needed and he thrived under the others attention and care. However, as time went on he showed his gratitude for the older male less and less. He eventually joined in with the others teasing, wanting to look mature and be one of the guys. And as Taekwoon watched the young boy pull away from their leader while growing closer to the other members, he saw Hakyeon’s smile become more and more strained, no longer having someone in the group that he was close to.

“I’m sorry Sanghyuk, he wasn’t there. I figured I just missed him on my way over. We’ll wait a little while longer to see if he comes home. If he doesn’t show up by midnight then we’ll call Laon, okay?” He put his arm around the younger boy and led him back to the couch. Sanghyuk sighed but nodded in agreement as he plopped back down, burying his head in Jaehwan’s shoulder.

Taekwoon sent off a couple more texts to Hakyeon as he made his way to Hongbin’s bedroom, informing their missing leader that if he didn’t contact them soon he was going to their manager. Hopefully that would get him to contact the worried members. He didn’t knock before opening the door, none of them really had anything to hide from each other, and he was pissed off enough at Hongbin to not care what the other was doing.

“What?” The flat tone in Hongbin’s voice told Taekwoon that he was still in a pissy mood and that Taekwoon was lucky he hadn’t gotten something thrown at his head for just bursting in like he had.

“Hakyeon still isn’t back. He isn’t answering anyone’s calls.”

“So what? Maybe he’s finally taking the time to think about how he treats us? I’m tired of him always-”

“Are you really that stupid? You might have a handsome face, but it seems like that’s about all you have going for you right now. You don't seem to understand that we are everything to Hakyeon. He works so hard to give us not only what we need, but also what we want. He never makes fun of us to the point of being hurtful, and is always there when we need someone to vent to. Can we say the same?”

Hongbin wouldn’t look at Taekwoon. He still had a deep scowl on his face but Taekwoon saw a glimpse of doubt in the visual’s eyes before he had looked away. Taekwoon knew the other didn’t believe the things he had been saying all night, he had just been blowing off steam. They all loved their leader whether or not they showed it.

However, with everything that had happened tonight Taekwoon believed it was time to change how they treated their leader. The man wasn’t made of stone, he felt harsh words just like any of them did. And Taekwoon was amazed that Hakyeon hadn’t crumbled into dust from the sheer amount of harsh words he had been pummeled with.

“Look, I get that you are frustrated, but what’s happening isn’t Hakyeon’s fault. You know he has complete faith in us. He’s told us multiple times how amazing he thinks we are.”

”Then why is he still pushing us so hard? If we are so amazing why does he push us until we feel like we're dying?” Hongbin glared at Taekwoon. Apparently the younger man wasn’t done fighting.

“You heard what Laon said. The CEO is the one pushing for us to work harder. He said that Hakyeon tried to fight for us, tried to tell them that we are at our best. There’s only so much Hakyeon can do, only so much he can say to try to convince them.”

“He should have tried harder…” Taekwoon could hear the pout in the other’s voice, but he was tired of this attitude. He was tired of the other blaming their leader for everything that was going wrong.

“Stop it, right now. Hakyeon wasn’t put here to cater to you or anyone else on this team. He does, probably more than he should and he runs himself ragged doing it. Grow up Hongbin. We're a family, and we love you, but tonight you pushed away the only person still willing to coddle you and deal with your little mood swings on this team. The rest of us got tired of it a long time ago. When Hakyeon gets home you will apologize for your behavior tonight. I don’t care if you don’t want to, I don’t care if you are still angry, I don’t care if you are tired or sore or whatever. Hakyeon doesn’t deserve this and I will no longer stand by and watch him get verbally abused by the people closest to him. Do you understand?”

Hongbin was still glaring at Taekwoon, though the younger had tears welling up in his eyes, and Taekwoon could see him trembling. He wasn’t sure what was causing such a strong reaction in the other. He didn’t know if it was from anger or sorrow or something else, but he decided he was past caring if he got an answer from the other and he turned and left the room. He closed the door behind him before taking a calming breath and making his way back to the living room. It wouldn’t help anything if the others saw him this worked up.

“Is everything okay? You two started getting a little loud.” Wonshik glanced back at the door, looking worried for his friend.

“I hadn’t realized we raised our voices. But yes, everything is fine. Hongbin just needs to stop being so stubborn and apologize to Hakyeon when he gets home.”

“Hyung, It’s almost midnight. Should we call Laon? What if something bad happened?” Sanghyuk looked nervously between Taekwoon and the clock on the wall. The youngest seemed to be taking their leaders absence the hardest and Taekwoon decided he would need to keep an eye on him.

“I’ll call him and let him know what’s going on. Why don’t you all get ready for bed, maybe by that time Hakyeon will be here.” He didn’t quite believe his words, and it looked as though the others believed him even less, but he had to try. With Hakyeon gone, he was the oldest and he had to keep everyone calm and care for them as best as he could. He wasn’t sure he was doing all that great of a job.

As the rest of the group left to change and get ready for bed, Taekwoon went out into the hall to call Laon. He closed the front door securely and walked a few paces away so no one would overhear the call. He didn’t want them listening in case Laon had bad news.

He quickly flipped through his contacts and hit call when the manager’s name scrolled onto the screen. It rang a few times before a groggy voice crackled through the phones speaker. It sounded like he had woke the man up, but Taekwoon didn’t care, this was more important by far.

“Hyung, it’s Taekwoon. Are you still at the practice building? Did Hakyeon come back there?” There was silence after his rapid-fire questions. He was about to repeat himself when he heard the other taking a deep breath.

“Taekwoon, what happened?” He could hear the exasperation in the man’s voice. He was ashamed that he was bothering their manager with their problems, but he needed help and he hoped Laon would be able to help them get past what had happened.

He quickly told the other everything that had happened after he left. What was said in the park, and everything going on with Hongbin. Taekwoon heard another sigh over the phone and he bit his lip with worry. Was Laon angry with them for the mess they had made? Would he still help them through this?

“Hakyeon hasn’t come back here. No one has been in or out since you left with the others. Let me call him, and I’ll let you know what’s going on.” Laon hung up without waiting for an answer and Taekwoon knew they would all be getting a lecture once everything was smoothed out.

As Taekwoon opened the door to the dorms he was met with the guilty faces of three other members. He gave them all a disapproving glare before quickly deflating. He silently pushed past them and flopped down onto the couch, the others following closely behind with worried faces.

“Laon hasn’t seen him, but he said he would call Hakyeon and let us know what’s going on.”

“But if Hakyeon hasn’t gone back to the building and he hasn’t came home, where is he? What if something happened?” Sanghyuk pulled at the bottom of his shirt, crumpling it in his hands.

“Why don’t we wait until Laon calls us back before we jump to any conclusions. I’m sure Hakyeon is fine wherever he is. We have an early schedule tomorrow, why don’t you guys get some sleep. I’ll wait for Laon to call me back and let you know what's going on, okay?”

“No hyung, we want to wait up. Hakyeon is our leader too, and we are just as much to blame as anyone. We’ve done shows with little to no sleep before, and while the makeup noona’s are never happy about it, they can cover up our tiredness.” This came from a determined Jaehwan.

“Fine, I’ll get us some drinks, someone turn on the TV. I don’t want to just sit around and stare at all of you all night.” That got a chuckle from Wonshik, but the other two were still too distracted to have much of a sense of humor.

Looking through the refrigerator was a waste of time. They had practically nothing in the way of food, as they hadn’t been shopping in a while. The only thing left was Hakyeon’s stash of banana milk. Closing the refrigerator door, Taekwoon looked around the kitchen trying to think of something to make for the others. A package of tea squashed in the corner of the counter caught his eye and he figured it was better than nothing. He began his task, hoping this would help soothe everyone’s frazzled nerves.

Just as the tea was almost ready he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He glanced back at the living room, making sure that the others weren’t watching him as he pulled the phone from his pocket.

Taekwoon’s heart plummeted as he took in what was on his screen. Laon had text him that he was coming over. His mind began racing, pulling up image after image of horrible scenarios. Hakyeon getting hit by a car, Hakyeon getting mugged, stabbed, shot, beat to death. The grip on his phone loosened and Taekwoon watched as it seemed to fall to the floor in slow motion.

The loud clap of the plastic hitting the floor alerted the others and they came rushing to the kitchen.

Taekwoon leaned back against the counter, eyes unfocused and watery. He couldn’t focus, he couldn’t think, his brain had completely shut down with the thought of Hakyeon being in trouble. What would they do if they lost their leader? What would he do if he lost his best friend?

His thoughts were broken by a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly.

“Taekwoon, calm down. We don’t know what this means. Maybe he found Hakyeon and wants to come over to tell us where he is and when he’s coming back.” Taekwoon knew he had to pull it together. Even though Jaehwan’s words were thin and he sounded like he didn’t believe them himself, he had to be strong. He couldn’t fall apart on them now.

“You’re right. We can’t jump to conclusions. We need to wait for Laon to tell us what’s going on.”

As they all grabbed their drinks and made their way to the living room, Taekwoon looking once more to Sanghyuk. The maknae looked like he was putting all his strength into keeping it together. His eyes were red even though Taekwoon didn’t think he had been crying. His mouth was pinched and he had a crease between his eyebrows showing his worry. His posture screamed distress, but Taekwoon had no idea how to help him. Hakyeon was usually the one to calm their youngest down when he was feeling overwhelmed.

He watched as the younger male sat down his drink, before excusing himself to the bathroom. Taekwoon sighed and silently followed after him, wanting to make sure he was okay.

As Taekwoon crept closer to the door he could hear light sniffles from inside. He knew he should just leave the younger alone to get his feelings in order, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. He wanted to be there for all of his members, he just didn’t know how. He wondered for the millionth time how Hakyeon did it. Handled all of their fits and mood swings, comforted them all when they were having a bad day, calmed them when their emotions had swirled out of control. He took an unsteady breath, closing his eyes and once again praying for Hakyeon’s safety.

Breaking from his thoughts, Taekwoon turned to leave but stopped when he heard talking from inside the bathroom. Moving closer, he placed his ear against the door and held his breath. He could still hear Sanghyuk crying lightly but he was also speaking. His words were choppy and quiet, but with how silent the dorm was, Taekwoon could hear him fairly well.

_“Hyung… I know you’re mad at us. I understand, really. None of us have treated you fair in a really long time… but please, please just let us know you’re okay. I get that you don’t want to be near us right now. I wouldn’t either… but we are all worried… we don’t… don’t know where you are, or if you’re hurt… and it’s scary.” Sanghyuk took a few deep breaths, trying to get his sobs and hiccups under control._

_“I’m scared hyung. What if we took things too far and you don’t like us anymore? What if… what if you never come back? I- I could never forgive myself. I’m so sorry hyung. Please… please forgive us. I’m s-so sorry…”_

Taekwoon let his own tears flow freely as he listened to one of his members break down. He was so lost, had no idea where to go from here. He knew Laon wouldn’t have good news, and after what he just heard, he wasn’t sure they would be able to hold it together much longer.

He heard the water turn on in the sink and quickly wiped his tears away before returning to the living room. He kept his head turned away from Wonshik and Jaehwan, knowing his face would be red and puffy from crying. He couldn’t let them see any weakness. He had to be strong… for them.

“Wonshik, can you go tell Hongbin that Laon is stopping by and wants to speak to all of us. If he refuses tell him I said it isn't a request.”

There was an awkward silence for a few moments and Taekwoon glared down at his phone, hoping that Wonshik just did as he asked.

Eventually he heard a rustling before he saw the rapper get up and shuffle out of the room.

“You know that this is hard on him too, right? That he’s just as worried about Hakyeon as the rest of us.” Jaehwan had a slightly accusing tone in his voice that caused Taekwoon to grit his teeth.

“Of course I know. But he’s the closest with Hongbin and I think that right now he is the least likely to get his head bit off.” Taekwoon glanced up at Jaehwan, piercing the other with his gaze.

“Right now I’m just trying to keep everyone calm. You know how Wonshik is, he doesn’t like to just sit around and wait. I figured giving him something to do would help him at least a little. I’m doing my best Jaehwan…” A sigh came from the younger as he moved toward Taekwoon. He stood in front of the slouched man for a moment before flopping down next to him and pulling him into a hug.

“I know Hamjji, we’ll get through this.”

“Don’t call me that.” Both chuckled at their usual banter before Taekwoon buried his face further into Jaehwan’s shoulder. He could already feel some of the tension melt from his shoulders. Cuddling with Jaehwan helped, but it was nothing compared to being close to Hakyeon. The older male just seemed to completely envelop you in a blanket of safety when he hugged you. He needed the other desperately right now.

“I text Hakyeon while you were with Sanghyuk.” Jaehwans voice broke Taekwoon from his thoughts, forcing him to pull away from the comfort the hug provided.

“I wasn’t with Sanghyuk. I wanted to make sure he was okay, but I know he wouldn’t have wanted any of us to see him right then and I… I didn’t know how to help him so I didn’t go in.”

“It’s okay. We know you’re trying and that’s all we can ask.” Jaehwan smiled at the older male and gave him another tight hug before letting go and sitting back in his original spot.

Taekwoon cleared his throat, still a little uncomfortable with the show of emotion. He looked around the room for a moment trying to pull his emotions back a little before he finally looked at Jaehwan.

“So, you text Hakyeon?”

“Yeah, Wonshik figured the more we try to communicate with him, the more likely he will be to call or text back, even if it’s just to tell us to shut up. At least we will know he’s okay.” Jaehwan gave a cheeky smile and Taekwoon scoffed. Of course they would come up with an idea like that. Annoy someone until they are forced to talk to you.

As they sat waiting for the rest of the members to rejoin them, the doorbell rang. Taekwoon jumped from the couch, practically vaulting over the back in his haste to get to the door. He knew Laon was supposed to be coming by, but there was always a chance it could be Hakyeon. He prayed with everything he was worth that it was Hakyeon.

Taekwoon practically slammed into the door in his rush, Jaehwan skidding behind him and colliding with his back. Neither minded much, too focused on getting the door open.

Taekwoon finally flipped the latch and threw the door open, hearts filled with hope. Both males visibly deflated when they were faced with an unimpressed Laon.

The manager didn’t looked overly pleased with their behavior, but they were all under a lot of stress at the moment. With a shake of his head Laon moved past the two idols and into the living room, Jaehwan hot on his tail and Taekwoon following after closing and latching the door.

The room was already occupied by the rest of the members when the three walked back in. Sanghyuk stood at the entry to the hall looking nervous. His eyes were still damp and Taekwoon could hear him sniffle every once in a while. Hongbin and Wonshik were sat on the couch with Wonshik looking nervously between Taekwoon and Laon, trying to figure out if either had any new information about Hakyeon. And Hongbin had his head bowed with his hands clenched in tight fists in his lap. Taekwoon wasn’t sure if the other was still angry or if what he was seeing was guilt, but at this point he didn’t care. He was done with the other’s tantrum.

“Did you hear from Hakyeon? You called him right?”

“Did he answer?”

“What did he say?”

They all fired off questions, talking over one another. They were all worried for their leader and eager to know he was okay. Laon looked like he tried to follow the rapid fire words being thrown at him, but the man could only do so much. Eventually a raised hand silenced the group of idols as their manager moved around them and sat in one of the chairs.

"I was not able to get ahold of Hakyeon. I called him a few times, and left a message, but I haven't received a response. I also sent him a few texts. Nothing yet." He let out a breath and slumped forward. His energy seeming to be nonexistent with everything going on.

"So, what does this mean? We're not just going to give up right?" Sanghyuk had a hard edge to his voice. He was more than ready to jump to their leaders aid whether the others were willing or not.

Taekwoon could see Laon studying them, taking note of their haggard appearance. Most of them had red rings around their tired eyes, and tear stains on their cheeks. They were taking the disappearance of their leader harder than the man probably thought they would after that nights fight. Taekwoon knew there wasn’t much they could do at this point except wait. Continuing to contact Hakyeon seemed like the best idea at this point, though he wasn’t sure how much it would help. None of them would give up, but they were all at a loss as to what they should do.

"No Hyuk, we aren't going to give up."

"So what do we do?" Sanghyuk whispered the question.

Laon lowered his eyes to his lap. Taekwoon knew they were putting Laon under an extreme amount of pressure. They were looking up to him, counting on him to make everything right, fix the mess that had been created tonight. But even with all his training, working in this business for so long, being with VIXX through so much, Taekwoon didn’t think the other was capable of fixing this, of bringing Hakyeon back.

"Hyung?" Taekwoon's voice seemed to bring the other out of his thoughts, and as Laon lifted his head they could all read the uncertainty in his eyes.

"I don't know..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Is it progressing how you thought it would? Leave a comment and let me know what you think. Again, I'm sorry for any errors. As soon as a certain someone comes out of hiding I can fix whatever I missed. Thank you for reading!!!


	3. Won't You Come Back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy balls! I am SO sorry everyone. This chapter epically kicked my ass and I'm still not really happy with it. However, I felt that almost eight months between updates was completely unacceptable and decided to post what I had. It's shorter than the first two but I didn't want you all to continue having to wait so yeah...
> 
> The next chapter was supposed to be Hakyeon's POV again, but there is just a little bit more I need to go through with the rest of the guys before we go back to our fearless leader. There's a really good chance that chapter will be pretty short too. Hopefully, you won't have to wait another eight months for it though.
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter, it seriously tore me up writing it. My feels will never be the same. I tried to add a little bit of humor in here and there so it wasn't just one huge ball of angst... I'm not sure I succeeded though. Anyway, read on and let me know what you think! TA!!!

Taekwoon continued to watch Laon. The man looked completely lost on how they'd ended up here. How the situation had gotten as bad as it had so quickly. How he could have lost one of his idols. With a deep breath, he finally took in the rest of the room.

"Okay, who has tried to contact him?" Laon rubbed his face and looked to each of the members sitting around him. 

Taekwoon was the first to speak up. He had been the most persistent about locating their leader and had tried to contact the other multiple times throughout the night. 

Jaehwan spoke up next. Taekwoon knew he had texted the other and knew it wouldn’t be the last time the other vocal tried to contact their missing leader using annoying texts or whiny voices that night. 

Sanghyuk slowly raised his hand. He looked reluctant to share any information about contacting Hakyeon and Taekwoon didn’t blame him. What he had heard earlier had been extremely personal to the younger and not something to be shared with anyone else. 

"I text him a few minutes ago," Wonshik spoke up from next to Hongbin, glancing at the hunched figure next to him. 

Hongbin sat motionless for a few moments, seeming to know that everyone's eyes were on him. His shoulders became more tensed the longer everyone stared. Wonshik placed his hand lightly on the other's shoulder, mumbling to him. Even in the otherwise silent room, no one else could make out the low words spoken. Hongbin shook his head slightly before curling further into himself. 

"I haven't tried to call him." The confession was whispered and could barely be heard in the silent room. 

Taekwoon almost felt bad for the kid, but while this had been everyone’s fault, Hongbin had been the most aggressive and the situation might have been slightly less serious if he had initially pulled back a little.

Nothing could be done about it now though. They had to focus on finding Hakyeon soon. Who knew what kind of trouble he had gotten himself into.

“Okay, you all continue trying to get a hold of him through calls and texts. I don’t want to call the CEO about this mess yet.” Laon let out a long breath as he ran his hands through his hair, pulling slightly.

“What will you be doing?” Sanghyuk asked in a small voice. He already has his phone in his hand and from where Taekwoon sat he could hear the continuous ringing.

“I have a friend on the police force. I doubt they can do anything, but I can at least let him know Hakyeon is gone and ask him to keep an eye out for him.”

Taekwoon nodded his head. It was a good idea. They could use all the help they could get looking for their leader.

Taekwoon and Wonshik had already returned to their phones even as Laon continued to speak. Texts were shot off quickly, hope slowly dwindling that they would receive anything in return.

Once finished, Taekwoon looked around the room again, letting his eyes fall on Sanghyuk as he quickly turned and left the room. The vocal’s heart clenched at the sight of tears clinging to their maknae’s lashes as he tapped away at his phone. They all needed space to sort through their feelings about what had happened so he stayed put this time.

Half an hour had passed before Jaehwan and Wonshik decided they wanted to drive around a little bit to look for their leader. It was cold out, so Taekwoon knew the other probably wasn’t running around town. He didn’t even have a coat. But he figured it wouldn’t hurt. They would at least be able to stop by all the places they usually spent any amount of time to see if Hakyeon had gone there.

The three drove around for almost an hour looking for Hakyeon, Taekwoon texting him throughout the trip. They stopped at a few spots to see if the other was holed up in any of them but had no luck. The girl working at the mini mart down the street from the studios said she would keep an eye out for him and let him know the rest of the group were looking for him if she saw him. She waved at them worriedly as they shuffled out of the store, heads down in defeat.

It was close to two in the morning before they made it back to the dorms. When they opened the front door both Sanghyuk and Hongbin jolted from their slouched positions on the couch, faces hopeful that the others would come back with good news.

With a shake of his head, Taekwoon watched the little hope they had mustered drain from their eyes. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. It was his job right now to protect the others and he was doing a horrible job of it.

Jaehwan seemed to have finally pulled himself together enough to paste a painfully fake looking smile on his face. At least the younger was trying to be a spark of hope for the others. As the loud vocal sat with the two younger members on the couch, he obnoxiously announced he had had enough and would annoy their leader until he broke and came home to scold him.

Loud announcement complete he pulled out his phone and began texting furiously. After a few moments of continuous beeps from Jaehwan’s phone Taekwoon strode over and plucked it from the others hands.

“We want him to come back Jaehwan, not hate us even more.” Taekwoon pocketed the phone as he pulled out his own to once more text their leader.

“Yah! That’s mine! Give it back now Taekwoon. Just because Hakyeon isn’t here doesn’t mean you can boss us around.” Jaehwan came up to the older male and slapped him on the arm, most likely leaving behind an ugly red mark under his clothing. Taekwoon lowered his phone after sending off one final text.

“I would boss you around even if Hakyeon was here. I’m all for texting him to let him know we want him to come home, but you were going too far. Stop being so annoying.”

“Hyung, that’s not fair. Jaehwan is just as worried as the rest of us. Besides, I think it’s a good idea. What if Hakyeon hears all the texts and calls he’s getting and he finally realizes that we miss him and want him home. It can only help.”

“Or he could get fed up with it because he’s angry with us and turn his phone off because he doesn’t want us to bother him anymore.”

Both younger males stopped short. Taekwoon knew they would never believe their leader would ignore them, but none of them had ever seen the other this upset. Yes, they were a family, but sometimes family needed a break from each other. He just hoped Hakyeon’s break was almost over. He needed his best friend here with him.

“You're wrong hyung. He wouldn’t do that.” Sanghyuk had tears gathering in his eyes again but Taekwoon was done. He didn’t deal well with this much stress, this much emotion.

“Think what you want, I’m done. Jaehwan you won't be getting your phone back. And Sanghyuk, you need to wake up. Hakyeon is angry with us. People get petty when they are angry. We’ve seen the truth in that statement already tonight.” Taekwoon glanced at a wide-eyed Hongbin.

“Hakyeon isn’t perfect. None of us are, but even so, we are better as a family, better with Hakyeon, and annoying him won't make him come back any faster so just drop it.” With those final words, Taekwoon stormed towards the kitchen, but not before giving both boys a sharp smack to the back of their heads. Both barked out their protests but were promptly ignored.

After he had cooled off for a few minutes, Taekwoon came back to sit on the couch with the two remaining members. Both were quiet but Wonshik sent him a nasty glare as he sent off a final text then walked away.

“Hyung?” Hongbin’s timid voice floated through the otherwise silent room, prompting an acknowledging grunt from the vocal.

“I-I’m sorry.” The visual’s voice wobbled, and Taekwoon sighed as he ended yet another call to Hakyeons voice mail. He stood up from his spot and shuffled toward the other. Taekwoon almost never knew the right words to say to comfort someone, but he hoped just this once, he would find those words.

“I’m not going to say it’s okay Hongbin, cause it’s not. What happened tonight tore a huge rift within our family. The words that not only you spoke, but also all of us spoke tonight, hurt someone very dear to us. Now though, all we can do is move forward. Try to mend the bonds we broke. Give our everything to show Hakyeon that we love him and support him.”

Hongbin was silent for a long time. Taekwoon watched as a plethora of emotions flit across his face, none lasting longer than a second. Finally the other looked back at Taekwoon, a new fire in his eyes and Taekwoon’s heart swelled. They were all finally back on the same page, with the same goal in mind.

Smiling Taekwoon placed his hand on the other’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

“Can you help me by looking through SNS? Maybe a fan has seen him and posted about it somewhere. At this point, I’m willing to try anything.”

Hongbin nodded as he got up from the couch, discretely rubbing at his eyes. He shuffled his feet for a moment, prompting Taekwoon to cock his head in curiosity.

“I’ll help look through SNS, but first I think I need to call Hakyeon. Do you think that’s okay?” He bit his lip in worry, probably expecting to be shot down, thinking the leader wouldn’t want to hear from him.

“I think that’s a great idea. I’m sure he would love to hear from you.” Taekwoon’s quiet words seemed to chase much of the stress from the younger as his shoulders slumped in relief before a large dimpled smile took over his face.

“I’ll do that now. Thank you hyung.” The two shared one last smile before Hongbin made his way back to his room to call their leader.

A few minutes after Hongbin had left the living room, Laon came back in. The poor man was a nervous wreck. Curses left his lips with pleas to whatever deity was listening to return Hakyeon safe and sound.

After watching the man pace the length of the room a few times, Taekwoon sighed and on his next pass pulled the man down onto the couch.

“What did your friend say?” Taekwoon was trying to keep his manager’s mind moving. Away from the dark spot lurking in the back of his thoughts that were trying to convince him that this was never going to be fixed. He knew those thoughts were in the man’s head, they were in his own too no matter how much he tried to ignore them.

“He confirmed my thoughts. They can’t officially help us, but he said he would keep an eye out and let me know if anything comes up.” Both men sighed heavily, feeling stuck and helpless. Taekwoon glanced at the clock on the wall and paused as he noted they had less than six hours before they had to be ready for an interview.

“Should we cancel the interview?”

It took Laon a few moments to register what Taekwoon was talking about. The man paused for a moment before shaking his head.

“No, I don’t think so. Makeup can cover up the sleepless night, and we can just say that Hakyeon had something else on his schedule that couldn’t be avoided. I will need to speak to everyone though. We can’t have any of these negative emotions showing through on screen.”

“And the CEO?” Taekwoon knew that if the circumstances were different he would have laughed at their managers face at the mention of the CEO. He could tell Laon was dreading that meeting more than death itself.

“He has a meeting with shareholders at seven. I’m sure he will be in early to prepare. I’ll leave here to speak with him around six.” The words looked painful coming from the man’s mouth. Taekwoon didn’t envy him.

As the night continued Taekwoon could see the wariness showing through. Sanghyuk had finally fallen asleep, thought it looked anything but peaceful. He was using Wonshik’s lap as his pillow and the older of the two was beginning to doze, leaning his head into Hongbin who was still scrolling through social media, looking for anything pertaining to Hakyeon’s whereabouts. He had been at it close to three hours now and didn’t seem to be slowing down in his quest.

Jaehwan was still pouting about his confiscated phone though Taekwoon could see him eyeing his pockets with suspicion. He could look all he wanted; he wouldn’t find it anytime soon.

Taekwoon hadn’t tried texting Hakyeon again since he had complained about Jaehwan, but he had called and left multiple messages. Many of them were short requests to come home, a few were more in depth. He spoke about everything that had been on his mind at the time, relevant or not, some just telling the other that he missed him and sitting quietly before the voice mail was disconnected.

By half past five Wonshik and Hongbin had both nodded off and were sound asleep cuddled around Sanghyuk. Jaehwan had finally realized that Taekwoon didn’t have his phone on him so he was sneaking around the dorms in search of it. Laon had taken to pacing from the end of the hallway, through the living room and into the kitchen. The later it got the more flustered he became until he finally looked to the clock one last time and actually let out a whimper.

“I have to go talk to the CEO.” The man looked like he was walking to his death with his hunched shoulders and rigid back.

“Everything will be fine. You know maybe we should have contacted him sooner. Hakyeon might have spoken to him already so that he wouldn’t get in trouble for taking off.” Laon sent him a look, letting him know exactly how stupid he thought Taekwoon’s words were.

“Everything will not be fine. I’m going to get fired, I know it.” The man was becoming more distressed the longer he spoke. His words coming out louder and when Taekwoon glanced toward the couch, he could see the other members beginning to wake.

“I’m sure…” Before Taekwoon could try to comfort the man again, Laon blew up.

“No! This isn’t the first time I’ve had to talk to the CEO about you kids, nor is it the first time I will have been talked to. You all don’t realize it but when you act up, my job is on the line. If I can’t control you, then they will hire someone that can. Do you all understand that? You kids get a slap on the wrist for misbehaving, but I’m the one that gets in trouble. Because it’s my job to take care of you and control you I’m the one that has to deal with the consequences.”

By this time Laon was practically hyperventilating and Taekwoon was worried the man would pass out at the rate he was going. Placing a firm hand on their managers back, he led him to the couch and sat him down, whispering at him to breathe.

All three boys were awake by this point and looking between Taekwoon and Laon with worry. Taekwoon shook his head before focusing back on their distraught manager.

“Laon, you need to calm down. I understand that we’ve messed up. I get that you’ve had a stressful time taking care of us, and for that, we are all very sorry. But right now you need to put all that behind you and go speak to the CEO. We are all counting on you to bring Hakyeon back to us, and this might be the only way left to do so. Please hyung, we need you to be strong.”

As Taekwoon watched Laon struggle with his thoughts he noticed Jaehwan sneak back into the room and plop down in one of the nearby chairs with a curious frown directed at their manager.

A heavy sigh escaped the man’s lips before he stood and squared his shoulders. Taking a few deep breaths he strode forward and grabbed his wallet and phone. Taekwoon was shocked that his little speech had worked. He hadn’t expected the man to gain the confidence he needed this quickly.

Though maybe not…

Five steps away from the door and Laon’s posture crumpled before he turned with teary eyes toward Taekwoon, shaking his head. Taekwoon sighed and went over to lead the man back to the couch.

The three youngest members leaned forward with shocked expressions. They had never seen their manager in such a state. It was a bit intimidating seeing such a strong confident man fall apart in front of them. More tears gathered in the older man’s eyes and the three youngest members were at a complete loss at what to do.

Sanghyuk pulled his phone from between the couch cushions and text their leader frantically about what was happening before Jaehwan’s loud laugh resonated through the room. He doubled over, finger pointing at their suffering manager as his other hand held his heaving stomach.

“Hakyeon broke manager-hyung!” The words were spat out between gasping breaths as he slowly slid from the couch to curl up on the ground, his fit never slowing.

As the minutes wore on, Jaehwan’s laughs slowly tapered out and Laon’s sniffles ceased. As the silence took over not a single person in the room could ignore the resounding ding of messages being sent out. Taekwoon sprang from his seat; Jaehwan’s name spilling from his lips angrily.

Realizing his mistake, Jaehwan scrambled from the floor and shot around the back of the couch, trying to flee from Taekwoon’s murderous grasp. Dings continued to fill the room until Taekwoon finally leaped over the back of the couch, tackling Jaehwan to the floor.

“What did I tell you? Why are you like this?” He practically screamed at the other. With one last hit to the back of Jaehwans head, Taekwoon stalked out of the living room, leaving the others shocked and worried in his wake.

Taekwoon sat huddled in the corner of his shared bedroom. The door was locked, but the rest of the group had become experts at picking it. He knew if they really wanted to get in, there was nothing he could do to keep them out.

Holding his phone close to his body, he shook and sniffed. The tears were coming but he had had enough of these stupid negative feelings for one lifetime. He just wanted Hakyeon back; the other always knew exactly what he needed when he was feeling down and would almost instantly be able to cheer him up.

His grip tightened around his phone as the night’s events played through his mind, making his thoughts darker and darker. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have treated his best friend like that? How could he not see how much the other was suffering? How could he just stand by and let things continue the way they had been? How could he ask Hakyeon to come back to this?

The questions rolled around his head, doubt forcing its way to the forefront of his thoughts. He unlocked his phone and began a new group of texts to Hakyeon. He was so lost, and he felt so alone. He wasn’t sure if Hakyeon could fix it this time, he wasn’t sure the other would want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I have no beta. I'm sorry for any mistakes but at this point, everything just blurs together.
> 
> One last thing. There's a lot of talk about texting and calls the guys make in this chapter. That's mostly because I had to follow a timeline that was made when I first wrote chapter one. I have every single text from the guys to Hakyeon typed out until Laon leaves to talk to the CEO. Specific things happen during certain texts so I tried to insert the texts without it breaking things up too much and making it awkward to read. Again, I'm not sure I succeeded. I just fail all over the place today. I'm gonna go sit in a corner now and feel sorry for myself.


	4. Please Understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow that didn't take quite as long as I thought it would. And really this chapter has been done for at least two weeks now. I just haven't had the drive to even open my laptop recently. But it's finally here... the last bit with the rest of Vixx. The next chapter will be back with Hakyeon! YAY! As for the angst... well that is far from over. I'm sorry.

By the time Taekwoon had come out of the bedroom, Laon had already left and it was almost time for them to leave for the interview. Everyone got ready in silence, no one really in the mood to do anything but drag themselves around like zombies.

Half an hour before they had to be at the studio, Laon came back looking a little worse for ware. Each member gave him a questioning glance, worried about what had been said to him in the meeting with the CEO, but the manager just shook his head and ushered them out the door.

The ride to the station was quiet and awkward. Everyone was tired and grouchy and just fed up with the situation. They all wished Hakyeon were there to make jokes and mother them until they felt better but knew they had to stand on their own for now. Each member gazed out a window, going over the situation in their own minds, trying to figure out a solution to the mess they had all made when Laon clearing his throat finally broke the silence.

“Listen, guys, I know we are all tired and don’t really want to do this interview; especially without Hakyeon, but we have to try to be our usual cheerful selves. The public can’t know Hakyeon is missing.”

“So what do we do if they ask where he is?” This came from Sanghyuk. He was in the very back but had leaned his head around the seat in front of him to stare at the side of Laon’s face.

“Tell them he’s busy working on something else right now and he couldn’t get away.”

“I’m sorry, you want us to lie? On live television…” The incredulous words came from Hongbin who looked completely gobsmacked.

“You want us to act like nothing is wrong? Like we are all happy? What if Hakyeon sees the interview? He will think we don’t miss him.” Hongbin just sounded angry now.

“I’m hoping we will have found him by the time the interview airs, Hongbin. But yes, I want you to act like nothing is wrong, that you are one big happy family, and that you didn’t just have an argument that could very well ruin your careers if it isn’t settled soon.”

“Hyung, he has to know that we miss him, even if he sees the show. After all the calls and texts we left him he knows for sure. He will come back soon, he loves us way too much to stay away.” Sanghyuk squeezed Hongbin’s arm and the older gave him a small smile in thanks.

“I want it to be known that I don’t like this, but if it’s what the company wants…”

“It is.”

“Then I guess we don’t have a choice. A Happy interview where nothing is wrong it is.” Hongbin flashed a large dimpled smile that Laon caught in the rearview mirror before letting it drop and once again staring listlessly out the window at the passing scenery.

“Hyung can we stop by the convenience store by the studio? I want to get some caffeine and see if Hakyeon has stopped in at all.” Laon checked his watch and nodded. He agreed to a quick stop before they continued to the interview.

As they pulled up in front of the store, everyone except Laon got out of the car and shuffled inside, Laon calling behind them that they had five minutes.

As they walked through the door a bell chimed, causing a head to pop out from behind some shelves and making Wonshik jump in fright.

“Hey guys, you look like you all had a long night. Did you find Hakyeon?”

All the members looked to Taekwoon before lowering their heads and making their way further into the shop. Taekwoon sighed and the cashier looked at him in worry.

“We haven’t seen him yet, and he hasn’t answered any of our calls. We were hoping he had come in to grab something to eat.” Taekwoon looked at the young girl hopefully.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t seen him either. But I will be here all morning. The person who does the morning shift called in so I’m pulling a double. If he comes in I’ll tell him to call you right away.”

“Thank you so much. We are very worried about him.”

“Hyung, I got you a coffee. Are you ready?” Sanghyuk walked up to the older male with two steaming cups, looking between him and the cashier.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Let me check you out and you guys can head out.”

The young girl rang up their coffee and snacks quickly and bagged the items placed on the counter, giving them a smile and waving them off.

“Take this. It’s our manager's phone number. If you see Hakyeon; even if he’s just walking by, call this number please.” She took the slip of paper from Taekwoon and he bowed low in thanks before heading out.

Once at the television station, they were rushed into hair and makeup. Everyone frantically worked around the boys to get them ready but none of them really saw what was going on. Each member of VIXX had their thoughts on their leader. On how they would have to pretend everything was okay when a part of their family was missing. None of them knew if they would be able to pull this off. None of them knew what was going to happen to their group. None of them knew if Hakyeon would come back, or if he was even okay. They knew absolutely nothing, and it scared them all senseless.

The show started and the usual questions were gone over. What were they working on now, what did they have planned for their next project and so on. A few times they slipped in hints they hoped Hakyeon would see and understand, wanting him to know they were trying to fix the mess they had made and make their group better. Eventually, the subject of Hakyeon’s absence came up and everyone froze, not sure what they should say. What if they said the wrong thing and everyone found out what had happened? What if Hakyeon saw the show and believe the lie. Thought that none of them cared that he was missing.

Finally, Hongbin found the words to answer the MC. He leaned forward slightly and gave a little cough to gain the man’s attention.

“Hakyeon is busy and wasn’t able to make it today. I’m sure he wishes he could have been here but had… other things to do.”

The words left a sour taste in his mouth. He kept a smile in place for the camera and the many fans watching, but if you looked a little closer you could see the cracks in the mask, see the disgust that he felt at having to say those words. He wanted to shout that he had ruined something precious to him, had pushed away someone very important to him, and possibly broken a friendship beyond repair. He wanted to grab the camera and speak to Hakyeon through it. Tell him he was sorry, tell him he missed him, tell him he had been wrong and he would never doubt their leader again. Tell him to come home.

The interview continued on without a hitch, nothing else was said about Hakyeon and for that every member was grateful. They had a few more things on their schedule for the day but it was fairly easy. A radio show, and a meeting with some new clothing line that the company wanted them to wear for their next set of promotions.

By noon they were all exhausted, they just wanted to go back to the dorms and crash. No one talked, all afraid they would snap at everyone else. They didn’t need any more disagreements between them.

As they left the building where their last meeting took place, Laon came running up the hall, clearly, he had sprinted through the whole building and was panting with his hands on his knees by the time he found the group.

“The girl from the convenience store called. Hakyeon came in but took off before she could speak to him. We need to go now.”

No one asked any questions. They all ran to the parking garage and piled into the van. None of them had ever seen Laon drive so recklessly but refused to mention it. They all kept an eye out for Hakyeon as they drove, but to their dismay, he was nowhere to be found.

Laon parked crooked in front of the store, and before the car was off all of the doors had been thrown open and the boys went running into the shop. Taekwoon was the first to make it to the counter, hands slamming down on the top of it as his body practically slammed into it.

“You saw him? When? How long was he here? Why did he leave? Which way did he go?” The questions were flung at the poor girl from each member, leaving her with no chance to answer in between. She looked at the boys with wide unsure eyes, stuttering nonsense as she tried to organize her thoughts.

“Well?” The one word was laced with impatience. None of them meant to be rude, but they just wanted to find Hakyeon.

She seemed to snap out of her stupor then, shaking her head to clear it and taking a deep breath.

“He was here about a half hour ago. He came in to buy some food.” She pointed at the food placed at the side of the counter.

“If that’s his food, why is it still here? Why did he leave it?” Sanghyuk grabbed the items and stared down at them. They all noted it was Hakyeons favorite ramen flavor and a drink they had all seen him get on multiple occasions.

“He looked really nervous when he showed up, my staring at him probably didn’t help. I was going to tell him that you had been looking for him when he got to the counter, but when he got here he was busy watching what was on the television. After a few moments, he ran off. He looked really upset.”

Every member knew what he had seen. They all felt sick at the thought of what Hakyeon must be thinking right now. He had seen them blow off his absence like he meant nothing and he thought that was how they really felt. He hadn’t seen any of their messages he didn’t know they were worried about him. He thought he was completely alone, abandoned.

Tears welled in Sanghyuk’s eyes and Jaehwan reached over to comfort their youngest, causing him to lean in and bury his face in the older boys shoulder. Taekwoon clenched his fists on top of the counter, trying to hold his emotions in check. He couldn’t break down here, in public, where just about anyone could see them. He had to get everyone out of here first.

“Which way did he go?” The words were growled out, low and filled with pain.

The girl pointed to her right and all five males turned as one and left the store. Once piled back into the van Sanghyuk finally broke down. He had slumped forward, head between his knees and his body heaved with the breaths he took between sobs. Jaehwan looked around the van as he rubbed the younger boys back soothingly. He could see the same uncertainty in everyone else’s eyes. None of them knew where to go from here.

Laons phone going off pulled everyone out of their thoughts. Sanghyuk quieted though he didn’t move from his position and everyone stared at their manager as he accepted the call and put the phone to his ear.

Mumbled words could be heard through the phone, but none of them knew what was being said. They saw Laon tense up as the conversation continued and once the call was finished the man practically threw his phone away from him. It hit the windshield and bounced back toward Taekwoon who caught it and placed it in the center consul.

“What happened?” Wonshik was the one to voice the question they were all too scared to ask.

“That was the CEO. Hakyeon is there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! You know I love it!!!


	5. I'm Not Upset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this really happening?!? An update? Hell must have frozen over... I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long. I have no excuse even though I want to give you one. This chapter is short, and I haven't even really looked over it since I wrote it. I had a few pages written a while ago but decided I hated it and trashed it. Earlier this week I realized it had been a long while since I last posted. I decided to get my head out of my ass and write this. Yes, I know its short, but I hope it makes up for me being gone for so long.

“Hakyeon, I think you need to sit down and think about this. It’s a big decision, and not one to be made when you are upset.”

“I’m not upset. Not anymore. Now I’m just tired of everything. I don’t like who I am right now, I hate that dancing; something I used to love, had a passion for, has become a chore. Please, just let me leave. I’ll pay the fee to terminate my contract, but I can’t do this anymore.”

“Have you talked to the rest of the group about this?”

“No, I haven’t. We haven’t spoken since the fight. They made it pretty clear that they didn’t want me here just as much as I didn’t want to be here, so I don’t think that will be a problem.”

The CEO let out a long sigh. He knew that the group had been having some trouble, but he would have never guessed it was this bad. How had things gotten to such a state without his knowledge?

“Sit and talk me through this Hakyeon. I’m shocked that things have come to this. I wish to understand your reasoning behind wanting to leave the group.”

Hakyeon plopped back into the uncomfortable chair and rubbed his hand over his face. How would he explain his decision? Explain that he hadn’t been happy for a long time. Explain that he couldn’t sleep, he was getting sick and not eating, the only reason you couldn’t see the dark circles under his eyes was because of the copious amounts of makeup he makes sure to wear at all times. He couldn’t remember the last time he really smiled. Not just his camera smile, but a real genuine happy to be alive smile.

The answer was; he couldn’t. He could never explain to this man his troubles. What would a CEO know of the idol life. He has never had to share his space with people that treated him like dirt. He never had to put on a fake smile while inside he felt like dying. He never had to sit there and listen to the people you loved like a family tell you they hate you.

He didn’t even want to try to tell this man what he was going through. He had said his peace, told him what he needed to know. Now it was time for him to leave, and he didn’t care what it took, Hakyeon would leave.

“I don’t want to explain why I’m leaving. I just want to leave. I don’t want to be here anymore I don’t want to be under Jellyfish anymore… I don’t want to be part of VIXX anymore.”

A gasp pulled Hakyeon from his words. He spun in his chair to find the rest of VIXX standing inside the door to the CEO’s office. Sanghyuk had tears in already puffy eyes. The maknae had been crying recently. Hakyeon wondered if it had been because of him.

Wonsik and Jaehwan looked shocked. Both had their mouths slightly agape and watched him with wide eyes. Taekwoon and Hongbin’s faces were unreadable to Hakyeon. He saw a glimpse of so many different emotions flash across their faces, but had no time to decipher them.

The easiest emotion to pick out was anger. At him for leaving? Putting the rest of the group through all this drama? Probably. He didn’t want to find out though. Pushing the rest of the group from his mind, Hakyeon turned back to the CEO.

“That is my decision, please respect it.” With those words Hakyeon stood up and walked toward the door. All five members still stood in his way. None of them had said anything since they had walked in, though he figured they wouldn’t. None of them held any love for each other anymore, so there was no point to speak on his behalf or try to convince him to stay.

“Excuse me please.” It was painful for him to speak to them after everything. He still felt like lashing out at them. He still wanted them to be as miserable as he had been. But with his decision came clarity. This part of his life, the sadness, the anger, the sleepless nights and constant worrying, the despair he felt every time they showed their hate toward him was over. He no longer had to acknowledge these people. Didn’t have to take their harsh words and jibes.

With that clarity came acceptance. That yes, these people made him miserable, but when looking back, they had to have been miserable too. That mush anger doesn’t just sprout up out of nowhere. There was a reason tensions were so high and though he tried to take responsibility for the rest of the group, this hadn’t been his fault. He wanted to blame them for his leaving, but he just couldn’t any more. He would soon be free, and he hoped they would be able to carry on without him and be happy.

“Hakyeon…” Taekwoon’s quiet voice pierced through his thoughts. The last time the vocalist had spoken to him, his voice had been rough with anger and loud in the empty park. It was nice to hear it back to its quiet soothing tone. He hoped Taekwoon would never have to raise his voice in anger again.

“Don’t, please. I’ve made my decision. Things didn’t work out, that’s okay though. You will carry on and be better without me. Maybe you will get a new member. Things will be fine.”

Sanghyuk let out a sob before lunging at Hakyeon. The younger boy’s arms snaked around his shoulders, holding him tight, like he was afraid Hakyeon would disappear. He could feel hands fist in the back of his shirt as Sanghyuk cried into his shoulder. Painful sobs filled the room and Sanghyuk shook in his arms.

“What is this. Hyuk, don’t cry. This is for the best. You all said it yourselves.”

“Hakyeon, please listen.” Taekwoon was more forceful with his words this time. He didn’t sound mad, but his words held an urgency in them that hadn’t been there before.

“No. I’m tired of listening. When the group talks all anyone does is tare me down. You all have obviously felt this way about me for a long time. Otherwise things wouldn’t have blown up as much as they did. Just let me leave. I’m tired and no longer want to be here.”

Hakyeon took a deep breath after his speech. And he could feel Sanghyuk clutching to his shirt tighter.

“Hyung, please. We were all wrong to say those things to you. We all feel horrible.”

“Really? And how do you feel about this conversation Hongbin?” Hakyeon turned to look at the groups visual. He looked guilty, his eyes darting around like he was afraid of being signaled out.

“I agree with everyone else. We shouldn’t have said what we said. Yes, we were tired, and angry, but it was because we were practicing so much. I know its not your fault and I’m sorry for blowing up at you. Please forgive us hyung?”

Hakyeon took a moment to really look at Hongbin. He looked exhausted, His eyes were bloodshot, and he had dark bags under his eyes though Hakyeon had no idea why. No matter what they said he no longer trusted them. Turning away from the rest of the group, he made his way back to the CEO’s desk. He didn’t sit but stood across the desk from the man.

“I am sorry sir, but my decision still stands. I will be leaving VIXX. Please send any paperwork to my family’s house. I will sign it and get it back to you as soon as its signed. Thank you.”

He heard a sob from Sanghyuk but ignored it. He knew if he were to look at the boy’s face, he would surely cave and return to VIXX. That was something he could not do and stay sane. Taking a deep breath, he pushed his way through the group and walked away. Holding in his tears, he walked down the hallway toward the elevator. He knew he was doing the right thing. If they really wanted him to stay, they would have tried to stop him by more than a few words plainly asking him to stay.

The doors to the elevator opened and he stepped in with his head bowed. The doors began to close when he heard loud foot falls racing toward the door. As the doors were almost closed, Taekwoon’s face came into view. He could have sworn that the other had tears in his eyes, but he knew it to be untrue. The group no longer needed him or wanted him there. His mind was surely playing tricks on him.

Finally, down in the lobby, Hakyeon took one last look around before pulling in one last deep breath and walking out if the building for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think! Unless you think that it sucked then please keep it to yourself and hate it quietly from the corner.


	6. Texts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the first chapter I actually wrote out each text the boys sent Hakyeon in the order they were sent. A friend said it was cute and that I should post it and I agreed. After the chapter I just posted, I think this story needs a little humor. So here you go. All the text messages VIXX sent to their missing leader the night of the fight.

Unread text messages

 

Woonie: Hakyeon it’s time to come home.

 

Woonie: You need to stop pouting and come home.

 

Woonie: I don’t want to go back out and drag you home.

 

Woonie: Hakyeon…

 

Woonie: Where are you?

 

Woonie: I’m at the park to get you but you aren’t here…

 

Woonie: Stop ignoring my texts! … please…

 

Woonie: It’s not funny…

 

Woonie: Hakyeon?

 

Woonie: I’m headed back to the dorms. Hopefully you went home and I just missed you. See you soon…

 

Woonie: I’m home and you’re not here. I’m worried about you. Tell me where you are.

 

Woonie: I’m going to Laon if you don’t pick up your phone.

 

Manager: Hakyeon, Taekwoon says you aren’t answering your phone.

 

Manager: Where are you?

 

Manager: Hakyeon I know you’re angry, but at least tell me you are okay.

 

Baby Maknae: Hyung we’re sorry.

 

Baby Maknae: We didn’t mean any of it.

 

Annoying: Hakyeon why are you being like this?????

 

Annoying: The kids are worried about you!!!!!

 

Baby Maknae: Please don’t be angry with us any more?

 

Annoying: Answer your phone you big baby!!!!!

 

Baby Maknae: We just want to know you’re okay.

 

Annoying: Sorry….. (emo)

 

Annoying: I didn’t mean that

 

Annoying: But we are worried

 

Annoying: Please just tell us you’re okay.

 

Annoying: We will leave you alone after that…..

 

Annoying: I promise (emo)

 

Cute rapper: Hakyeon, Hongbin didn’t mean the things he said.

 

Cute rapper: You know how he gets sometimes.

 

Cute rapper: Please don’t be mad at him.

 

Cute rapper: Hakyeon none of us know where you are.

 

Cute rapper: Laon is ready to call the police…

 

Cute rapper: He thinks you’ve been abducted by saesangs

 

Cute rapper: Were you?

 

Woonie: Hakyeon you can’t do this to us.

 

Woonie: You can’t do this to me…

 

Woonie: Aren’t we supposed to be lifelong friends?

 

Woonie: I know we all hurt you, but we need to talk about this.

 

Manager: Hakyeon I’ve called the police but they cant do anything for twenty-four hours!

 

Manager: Please call me let me know you’re okay!

 

Baby Maknae: Hyung please don’t hate us…

 

Baby Maknae: We’ll listen to everything you say from now on

 

Baby Maknae: We’ll practice for however long you want

 

Baby Maknae: We wont make fun of you any more

 

Baby Maknae: We’ll cook and clean

 

Baby Maknae: Just… please be okay

 

Woonie: Wonshik, Jaehwan, and I are driving around looking for you…

 

Woonie: Answer your phone!

 

Woonie: We’ll come pick you up

 

Woonie: This is all my fault

 

Woonie: I’m sorry…

 

Woonie: I should have known you had a reason for doing what you did.

 

Woonie: I should have stayed by your side.

 

Woonie: Supported you

 

Woonie: I failed as your team member and your friend…

 

Woonie: Please forgive me?

 

Woonie: If not now, then some day…

 

Woonie: I don’t know what I would do if I lost you as my friend Hakyeon.

 

Woonie: Please be okay…

 

Annoying: We just got back from driving around looking for you...……………………….

 

Annoying: No luck obviously

 

Annoying: You cant ignore me forever!!!!!!!!!!

 

Annoying: You know how annoying I can be!!!!!!!!!!

 

Annoying: h

 

Annoying: a

 

Annoying: k

 

Annoying: y

 

Annoying: e

 

Annoying: o

 

Annoying: n

 

Annoying: a

 

Annoying: n

 

Annoying: s

 

Annoying: w

 

Annoying: e

 

Annoying: r

 

Annoying: m

 

Annoying: e

 

Annoying: e

 

Annoying: e

 

Annoying: e

 

Annoying: e

 

Annoying: e

 

Annoying: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

Annoying: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

Annoying: kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

 

Annoying: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

Annoying: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

Annoying: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

Annoying: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

 

Annoying: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

 

Annoying: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

 

Annoying: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

 

Annoying: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

 

Annoying: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Annoying: !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

Annoying: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Annoying: HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Annoying: MEANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

 

Annoying: adflknsdf;obdshgjoaeslnrg;lskfmb;sodifg

 

Annoying: Are you dead?

 

Annoying: If you’re dead can I have your lip gloss collection?

 

Annoying: If you’re not dead can I have it anyway?

 

Woonie: I took Jaehwan’s phone away from him.

 

Woonie: You know how he gets.

 

Woonie: Especially when something is bothering him.

 

Woonie: He hit me…

 

Woonie: I hit him back…

 

Woonie: Sanghyuk tried to stand up for him so I hit him too.

 

Woonie: Both are angry at me and are sulking somewhere in the dorms…

 

Baby Maknae: Taekwoon hit me!

 

Baby Maknae: And Jaehwan!

 

Baby Maknae: Hyung come back and punish him!

 

Cute rapper: Please come back. Everyone is driving me crazy…

 

Manager: We’ve been looking through SNS to see if anyone has seen you.

 

Manager: No luck yet…

 

Manager: It’s nearly light outside now and none of us have slept.

 

Manager: Even Hongbin is helping look for you.

 

Manager: I think Taekwoon may have threatened him…

 

Manager: In just two hours I will have to go to the CEO with this…

 

Manager: Please come back before that.

 

Manager: I don’t want to tell him I lost one of the members…

 

Manager: Please…

 

Baby Maknae: Manager hyung is crying. I don’t know what happened…

 

Baby Maknae: He looks really upset hyung. What do we do?

 

Baby Maknae: Jaehwan hyung is laughing at him so I don’t think it’s too serious.

 

Annoying: Finally found my phone!!!!! 

 

Annoying: You broke manager hyung!!!!! 

 

Annoying: I didn’t think that was possible!!!!! 

 

Annoying: Good job Hakyeon I’m jealous!!!!!

 

Annoying: Now about that lip gloss collection….. 

 

Annoying: dkfj           Q;OEFIHJgjknfg;WORGH

 

Woonie: I can’t do this Hakyeon. I can’t do what you do.

 

Woonie: I don’t know how to be in charge…

 

Woonie: I don’t know how to comfort everyone…

 

Woonie: I need you here.

 

Woonie: Just please…

 

Woonie: Come home


End file.
